


Behind The Scenes

by dametokillfor



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Male Friendship, Merlin is so done, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 13:45:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3812725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is in love with James, and he's an idiot. James might be in love with Harry, but he's also an idiot. Merlin isn't in love with either of them, so why the hell is he the only person they talk to about their feelings?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind The Scenes

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't part of the Declassified Romance of Agents Hart and Trevelyan, as it basically contradicts a lot of that one, ha. There are a fair few similarities though, so yeah, plagiarising myself to tell a story from another characters point of view. 
> 
> Basically I just wanted to tell the story through the eyes of Merlin, because I absolutely love writing him. :)

i. 

In the years that Merlin and Harry had been friends, Harry seemed to fall in love every few months. He had confessed once that he was a hopeless romantic, he loved being in love. A gorgeous man passed his way, he'd fixate for a spell. He'd flirt, he'd see where things went. If nothing came of it, he bounced back. If it went somewhere, he'd go with it full force. If it ended, which it invariably always did, Harry pulled himself together and was back on the horse within weeks. 

(It had happened when he'd developed a crush on Merlin within their first few months of working together. Harry had hit on him, Merlin had gently rebuffed him, pointed out his wedding ring. Harry had rolled with it, and they'd somehow become the best of friends through it. Harry still flirted with him, had offered Merlin a blowjob when his first marriage had broken down, but it had been nothing more than playful banter.) 

But then came James Trevelyan. 

James was Merlin's newest Kingsman candidate. A young Oxford graduate with a killer smile, and a nasty drug habit. He was a charmer, and had talked three of the newest candidates out of their knickers within a few days in the dorm. 

(The ladies had become a tight knit group after realising James had slept with all three of them. They're not spending their time fighting over him, instead are putting their effort into the training and supporting each other. And if Merlin has assigned all three of them to take him down in their defense classes once or twice, nobody needs to know). 

As soon as Merlin introduced him to Harry, he could see the look on Harry's face, telling him that this was going to be another one of his infatuations. 

But it never materialised. 

At least not the way Merlin was used to.

Yes, Harry had a little smile on his face whenever James was mentioned. He stood a little too close. His touches lingered a little too long, looked a little too often, but everything was just so subtle compared to his usual approach. He never verbalised his flirtations, never offered to debrief James. It was almost eerie. 

It had been nearly eight months into James' training, eight months of Harry respectfully fawning, when it started to occur to Merlin that maybe this was different. Maybe Harry had finally developed real grown up, proper feelings for someone. 

His suspicions were confirmed one night when the pair were having a drink together in the HQ. They'd been catching up after Harry's last mission, a highly classified mission that Merlin found out over the course of the night had involved several celebrities, genetic splicing and an elephant. He's not sure Harry was being entirely truthful, but it had sounded amusing enough. They'd been talking away happily and then Harry had come out with it.

"I think I might be falling for James." Harry had announced, over his fourth glass of scotch. He'd muttered it into the glass, taken a drink straight after as if he could drown what he'd just said. 

"I had a feeling."

"No, I mean... obviously, I fancy the pants off him. He's gorgeous." Harry admits, before looking down into his empty glass, as if it has an answer for his complex emotions, "This feels different. I've never felt like this, not with any of the others. By now I'd be propositioning him, offering him a night he'd never forget, but I can't. I can't do that, because I can't hear him turn me down."

"Your poor ego." Merlin says, with a smirk.

"Even if he didn't turn me down, the thought of being a one time thing, a few weeks, something to amuse him while he tries to stay clean. I couldn't do it, I couldn't give him up. I'd rather not have him at all than have him for a few nights." Harry explains, "When I allow myself brief flights of fantasy, I'm not always thinking about getting him naked. I'm thinking about everything else, dinners, walks, waking up in his arms, sharing the papers. Does he prefer coffee or tea in the morning?"

Harry looks across to Merlin, who is smiling at him. How could he not be? Harry is so far gone.

"Tea. One sugar, barely any milk." Merlin replies. It's the only answer he can think of which won't completely undermine his masculinity. He's got a strange desire to coo over just how sweet and confused Harry looks now. 

"What?"

"We went to a little tea shop outside Angel tube station when I went to recruit him." Merlin explains, "That's how he took his tea, said it was the best hangover cure."

"Oh, I can't have that. Black coffee is the only hangover cure."

"Then your relationship is doomed." 

"Definitely."

"Harry, I wish I had some advice for you." Merlin says, "But short of using that mind control ray we got off that Austrian to make him fall in love with you, I'm not certain there's an answer to this one."

"Are we sure I can't just lock myself away in my bedroom and listen to love songs, while crying into my pillow?" Harry offers, "Doodling Mr Harry Trevelyan across my mission reports?"

"Well that's one option. I'll get them to send chocolate and tissues to your room." Merlin laughs. 

"Perfect." Harry agrees, leaning forward and clinking his glass with Merlin's. 

(Merlin makes sure there's an large box of Milk Tray waiting in his room the next time he returns from a mission, along with a box of Kleenex and a video of Forrest Gump.

Harry makes sure to write a special mission report specifically for Merlin about how handsome James looked fighting, and how good his arse looked. He ensured to dot all his i's with little hearts and signed off Mr Harry Trevelyan.  
Merlin expected nothing less.) 

ii.

As Kingsman tradition dictates, every Kingsman agent and their candidate get to spend 24 hours together before the dog test. Harry and his candidate, a rough around the edges, yet utterly brilliant man named Lee Unwin, are off somewhere doing something terribly dull. Merlin and James? Well, they're celebrating in Merlin's cottage with a disgusting amount of alcohol. James has made it to the final two, why shouldn't they have a little fun?

They've gone through a bottle of Merlin's 12 year old Royal Lochnagar already, while Merlin's told old war stories about his first years in the agency. He's even told James why he doesn't go out into the field anymore, and aside from the agents present, nobody else knows that story. 

Merlin has been so caught up in being an ear for Harry's unrequited love for James, that it's been easy to forget just how much he himself likes the man. James is smart, he's funny, he's got a quick tongue. He's not afraid to stand up for the little guy, and he's fiercely loyal. 

(Granted, he supports Everton, but everyone has their faults.)

He'll be an exceptional agent, if he applies himself. Merlin also likes to think that the challenges Kingsman poses will help keep him away from the temptation of the drugs. 

"So, how... how long have you and Harry been together?" James slurs, pushing himself upright on the sofa, "Lee an' I... we've go-rra bet on it."

It takes Merlin a moment to register the question, his drunk brain is trying to remember what a Harry is. 

"Harry? No... no, not gay." Merlin waves his arms to punctuate his point. 

"I's cool, Merlin! I wen' a private school. 'M not _homomophobic_." James says.

"No, mean I'm not gay. Harry, Harry's gay as Chri'mas. We're jus' friends, bes' friendsss." Merlin explains. He's quite impressed by how many words he got out before giggling. (In a manly way.) 

"Bollocks." James huffs, "Owe Lee twen'y quid. Was sure you two were spendin' time undercover."

"You proud of that one?"

"So proud." James grins.

"Split it wi' me and I'll snog Harry in front'a him." Merlin offers.

"For a tenner?" 

"'M Scottish, James. I like money tha's no' mine." 

"Eh, seems fair. Jus' wanna win." James says. Determination. Another reason Merlin likes him. "I'd say we shake on it, but I don' wanna lose m' wallet."

"HEY!" Merlin points in James' general direction. He thinks he may be pointing at a painting of Bowie, "S'only funny when I mock m'heritage."

As if to prove his point, Merlin collapses in a fit of hysterical laughter again, which James finds himself joining in with. By the time they recover, James is red faced and upside down on the floor, Merlin is so far down in his chair, his arse is barely on it anymore. He rights himself with some effort. 

"Really hope y'make it int' Kingsman, James." Merlin says with a smile, "An' if y'don't, 'm proud you got this far."

James smiles back at him, "Me too."

Merlin raises his glass in a half toast and downs the final dregs from his glass, it's more ice water than anything now, but it felt dramatic and important. 

"Well, I need a slash." He announces, pushing himself unsteadily to his feet, "An' a room that's not spinnin'."

He stumbles across the room to the staircase, grabs onto the bannister with both hands, "I showed you where the guest room is, right?"

"Mmm." James groans, eyes closing as he lays on the floor, "Bu' that means being up an' I like bein' down here."

"M'kay, jus' don' blame me when y'can't move in the mornin'." 

"Promise. Will blame you f'the hangover instead."

"Deal." Merlin says. He slowly drags himself up the stairs, one gigantic step at a time. 

Twelve steps have never seemed so terrifying. 

iii.

Merlin had wanted James to get into Kingsman, but not like this.

Never like this.

iv.

As soon as Merlin enters the hospital room, he sees Harry asleep in the hard plastic chair by the bed. His head is lolled against his chest, and he's snoring softly. Even asleep he looks stressed, as if he's alert and ready to wake up at a moments notice. 

Merlin looks over at James. He's hooked up to a ventilator, and the heart monitor attached to him is blipping away steadily. Merlin picks up the file at the end of the bed, reads over it. _Suspected accidental overdose. Cocaine and alcohol. Heart attack._ Jesus. Merlin could kill him, if the cocaine hadn't nearly done that, or if he's pretty certain Harry hadn't called first dibs. 

Merlin drops the file back at the end of the bed. 

"You're a wanker, James." Merlin whispers. 

"Already told him that." Harry says, sleepily. He yawns, rubs his eyes and sits up in the chair. 

"I thought you might have." Merlin smiless warmly at him, "How is he doing?"

Harry looks across at James, and his face falls, "He's an idiot. They've stabilised him, and they're optimistic, but... fuck, Merlin, he had a fucking heart attack. He's 28, and he's had a heart attack because of his fucking drug habit. How didn't we pick up on this as a possibility?"

"We couldn't have known." Merlin said.

"We should... we should have." Harry lowers his voice, "He shouldn't be allowed on drug runs. The temptation..."

"We send you on drug runs, and you have a past, should we stop doing that too?"

"That's different."

"Because you're so much stronger?"

"Because if I fall back into that, if it kills me, it doesn't matter." Harry snaps, "Not like it does with him. He has a family, he has friends, he has people who love him."

 _He has me_ , Harry doesn't say.

"I have you." Harry says, giving Merlin a sad half smile.

"He's been doing so well, and now he's gone and ballsed it all up." Harry looks back to James, "And I'm so pissed off at him."

"You have every right to be pissed off, Harry. He's still your friend." Merlin reminds him. 

Harry is silent for a long moment, just staring across at James. He shakes his head. 

"I'm going to throttle him when he wakes up." Harry says.

"I'll ensure you're not interrupted." 

They share a smile. 

"You should go home, get cleaned up, have something to eat." Merlin tells him.

Harry shakes his head, "I can't. I should, I know I should, but..."

Merlin squeezes Harry's shoulder, "Harry, he will get a restraining order."

Harry smiles, "Okay. Okay, I'll go."

"I'll call you if anything happens. I promise." Merlin tells him, "I don't want to see you back here until the morning."

Harry nods, "Okay. I'll see you later."

Harry takes one last look at James. Merlin can see his heart breaking, can see him practically falling apart. He turns away from James and starts to head out of the room.

"Oh and Harry?"

Harry turns back, "Yes?"

"Just because you don't have family, it doesn't mean nobody would care. Yes, you've got me. But you've also got James, and the rest of the agents. We'd care." 

Harry smiles, "Thanks Merlin."

Merlin smiles back, "Now get out of here. He needs to sleep without worrying about you watching him."

Harry leaves the room with a smile. Merlin knows it's got to be killing him to see someone he cares about so hurt. 

Merlin takes a seat in the chair Harry has vacated and looks across at James. 

"That man is so in love with you, it almost makes me sick." Merlin says.

There's a moment where Merlin thinks he sees James' lips turn up in a small smile, before it's gone. He tries to tell himself it's a trick of the light, but he's not so sure.

v. 

After getting James into rehab, Harry ends up forming a very close bond with one of the doctors, Miguel Jimenez. At first Merlin thinks it's simply to ensure James gets the best possible care, but after walking in on them in an empty treatment room, he realises it's something else. (He also makes a note to knock on every single door he comes across in future. He's walked in on Harry so many times now, he could probably describe his arse in perfect detail.) 

Merlin is torn about the relationship. He wants to be happy that Harry's found someone who is actually reciprocates his feelings, but then he's not entirely certain that Harry is all in. He worries that Harry is just looking for a distraction, and that's not going to end well for either of them. 

Miguel is a few years older than Harry, which isn't Harry's usual type at all. He's a great guy, with a wicked sense of humour and a real flare with food. 

James seems happy enough with their relationship at first, seems happy to see that Harry is happy. However as time goes on, Merlin notices a change in him. He seems to start to avoid spending time with the pair of them, snaps at Harry when he brings up Miguel. They used to be a formidable team, and now they're falling apart. 

If Merlin didn't know better, he'd say James was jealous. 

He's started to wonder about James' feelings for Harry recently. He'd originally written it off as hero worship, it's happened once or twice before. Now though he's not so sure.

Even before Miguel, before the indicent, James had been blowing off gorgeous women at bars in favour of spending time with Harry. There'd been teasing overt flirtations, which Harry had joined in with, but neither of them seem to be joking anymore

James either looks at Harry like he's a puzzle to figure out, or smiles fondly at him when he thinks nobody is looking. He'd always been a tactile man, but he'd started touching Harry constantly now. There'd always be a hand on his shoulder, or on his back. He sat too close, their knees are always brushing. 

Add it to James' reactions towards Miguel and Merlin had started to wonder.

Harry hasn't noticed. At least, Merlin doesn't think he has. He's certain if Harry had even an inkling that James might have feelings, he'd persue it. Harry has always gone for what he wants, James shouldn't have been any different. 

(But then James is different.)

When Harry and Miguel break up after three months, Merlin isn't surprised when James is the one who offers to take Harry out, help him forget about him. He promises to stay on the orange juice, but Harry still turns him down. He insists he's fine, that they'd just been having fun anyway, he's totally over him.

Until he turns up in Merlin's office a few days after the break up, drunk off his face, and ranting. 

"He's a shit, Merlin, a bloody... shit." Harry slurs, all eloquence out of the window. 

"Of course he is." Merlin agrees, leaning back in his chair, "Who exactly are we talking about this time?"

"Miguel. He called me today, just to tell, to tell ME, that I need to get over my obsessess - thing for James or I'd never have a fuck... a functional adult relationship." Harry complains, "As if my job would let me have a functional adult relationship." He giggles, as if proud he can say it now, "I'm a SPY. I don't get relation... chips."

Merlin waits for a moment.

"Are you done? Or are you just going to interrupt me again in about four words."

Harry waves at him, "You say words now."

"He has a point..."

"Traitor!"

Merlin ignores him. He's used to dealing with drunk Harry, almost as much as sober Harry is used to dealing with a drunk him. 

"You need to at least talk to James, Harry. You've had this infatuation for years now, don't you think it's time you approach it head on?" Merlin asks, "Things might be weird for a while if it doesn't go how you want, but you'll get over it. I know James won't hate you for it."

"If?" Harry snorts. 

Merlin takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. He can't get through to Harry when he's like this. He also doesn't feel like trying to convince a drunk Harry that of course it's not ridiculous that James could feel the same. 

"Just... talk to him." Merlin says again, "When you're sober. It's long overdue."

"You're right." Harry slumps down to the floor, "You prick."

Merlin laughs, "I usually am." 

Harry looks up at him, points at where Merlin assumes the second him is, "But when I'm rejected, you owe me so much scotch. Maybe an escort."

"Deal. And if."

"When."

Harry climbs to his feet, "I should go, I should go and..."

"Sleep it off?"

"Was going to say drink more, but sleep too." Harry groans. He walks to the door, stumbling a little due to his inebriation, "You might want to check your bin, I think I might've... thrown up."

Merlin peers cautiously at his bin as Harry leaves the room. He writes out a note, sticks it on the lid of the bin for the cleaning lady to deal with. (He'll send her flowers as an apology. Surprisingly Harry's vomit isn't the worst thing she's ever had to deal with.)

He monitors the cameras as Harry stumbles back to his room. He pauses outside James' door for a moment, lifts his hand to knock, before swaying on his feet and shaking his head. He walks away from the room and stumbles through his own door. 

Merlin switches to the camera in Harry's room, just to make sure he hasn't managed to stumble over and injure himself on the way to his bed. He sees Harry laid face down on his bed, still fully dressed. 

It'll do.

vi.

"Can I ask you something? Privately?" James asks, the next time Merlin sees him. It's a few days since drunk Harry had appeared in Merlin's office. Nothing seems to have happened between James and Harry, and Merlin's starting to wonder if they'll ever sort this out.

"So long as it's not 'how many kings horses and kingsmen did it take to put me together again'."

James smiles, "No, but I'm going to remember that one."

Merlin rolls his eyes. He gestures to one of the rooms by them, a large library full of classic novels. James locks the door behind them, and for a brief crazy moment, Merlin wonders if James is going to kiss him. Or kill him. Both are equally as ridiculous. 

"Merlin," James starts, "Is Harry... has Harry said anything about..."

James sighs heavily. Merlin thinks he knows what James is about to ask him.

"Is Harry in love with me?" James asks, cringing a little. 

Merlin smiles, can't help but laugh. James fixes him with an unimpressed stare. If Merlin could see him properly, he'd also see the little flicker of disappointment passing across his face.

"So, no, then?"

"No. No." Merlin says, recovering his composure, "Harry is crazy about you, has been for years. I just thought you might never catch on."

There's a small smile on James' face. If Merlin is reading it right, and he's pretty certain he is, he's been right about James' feelings all along.

"Okay." James nods, smiles, "Good."

"Good?" Merlin feigns ignorance, "Do you want Harry to be in love..."

"Merlin, secret agent. I can read people. I know you know I have feelings for him." James says, "I just don't know what to do about them." 

"Tell him. For the love of God, tell him, James." Merlin groans. When did he become the romantic advisor for the entire agency? 

He probably should be slightly less of an arse about it, but he's tired. These two idiots are both pining for each other, and they keep expecting him to be able to help when really they should talk to each other. 

"What if... ?"

"There is no what if in this equation, James. Harry will be over the moon, then you can ride off into the sunset on a unicorn." 

"What if I've already told him?" James asks, sounding a little nervous, "Sort of, and now he won't talk to me, because he thinks I'm messing with him."

"Sort of, how did you sort of tell him?"

"Kissed him in the kitchen while making tea this morning."

There's a smile on his face that implies the kiss wasn't bad. Of course it wasn't, providing Harry hadn't spontaneously orgasmed at the first touch of their lips.  
Merlin really didn't need that image. 

"He kissed me back, he pulled me closer, he was really into it for a while." James explains, "But then he just clammed up, pushed me away, and told me to stop. I asked him why, and he told me I didn't really want this." 

"But you do?"

"I'm in love with him." James admits. He smiles, as if this is possibly the first time he's admitted it to himself outloud. Even Merlin can't help but smile a little bit.

"I'm in love with Harry. I love Harry." James repeats, "Not because he's seduced me into it, or been sending out weird gay signals, but because he's Harry. I want to be better for him. I want to make him happy. I want to wake up next to him every morning, and fall asleep with him every night. I want to be able to touch him, hold him, kiss him, fu..."

"Okay." Merlin cuts him off, "I get it."

He takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes, "Look. If I talk to Harry, do you two promise never to come to me with your problems ever again?" 

"But you're our relationship guru, Merlin." James says, with a smirk. 

Merlin shakes his head, rolls his eyes, "Six months."

"Deal." 

Merlin shakes his head, "You're fucking idiots." 

vii.

"You're fucking idiots." Merlin tells Harry the moment he sees him, "I am your Quartermaster. I am not your personal Cupid." 

Harry is sat in one of the lounges. He's got a thriller in his hand, and a cup of tea in the other. There's nothing to suggest he's been accosted by the love of his life, to suggest he's suddenly having doubts about them. 

He finishes his page, slips the bookmark into the book and places it down next to him.

"James shows you he's interested, and you decide he's fucking with you! Are you mad, Harry?"

"He kissed me." Harry replies, and even though he's trying to say it like it's something bad, there's still a hint of a smile. He shakes it off, "It's physical for him. He doesn't want me.  
I'm just new and exciting. I've just broken up with my boyfriend, and he thinks I need his pity." 

Merlin wants to bang his head against the wall. Or Harry's. That could be satisfying right now. His friend is so bloody hard headed. 

"It's not just physical, Harry." Merlin says, "James might be a slut, but he's not going to jeopardise your friendship for a quick shag."

"And if he does?"

"Then I can assign him a mission that he's not coming back from." Merlin says, "I've talked to him. He cares about you, Harry. He really cares, and you're here moping because he didn't profess his undying love with a dozen sodding roses and a Michael Bolton song."

"I'd prefer Luther Vandross."

"I will send you both to an active warzone without weapons." Merlin hisses, "Just talk to him. You might actually get somewhere."

"If this goes wrong, you're going to owe me a new liver." Harry says, getting to his feet, "And enough alcohol to write it off."

"Add it to the list." 

Harry just stands by the chair for a long moment, "Have I told you how much I hate you recently?"

"See if you feel that way after you've finished breaking in every piece of furniture in HQ." Merlin says, grimacing a little, "And for the love of God, learn to lock a door."

"Merlin." Harry laughs a little, "You'd miss my perfect arse if you didn't see it on a semi regular basis."

"I truly would." Merlin says, "Go, talk to him."

Harry squeezes his shoulder as he walks past, "Thank you."

"Get out."

viii.

"OH GOD, LEARN TO LOCK A DOOR."

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Merlin as a giggly drunk comes from the fact a laughing Mark Strong is adorable, and the last time I got drunk I laughed so hard at the number four, I couldn't breathe. There's not enough giggly drunks in fic.
> 
> Come join me on [Tumblr](http://damnstevens.tumblr.com/), throw headcanons, fic requests and the like at me!


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